Hey everyone! Sorry for the extended hiatus—I got caught up in school work, and will be posting more regularly from now on. Before I continue the Air Jordan saga (which will probably end up being a trilogy culminating with the “Banned” 1s, unless I get the urge to write about another colorway, which I inevitably will at some point) I wanted to write an entry about another shoe I came across, a shoe that I consider to be the end all be all of bad sneakers. The Kerwin Frost Adidas Forum high, released on November 17th, 2021, is a shoe for the ages. Sporting all of your favorite orifices like photorealistic eyes and a mouth, this sure is sure to make all of your colleagues turn their heads and say “what the actual [expletive]” in abhorrence.

I first came across these kicks (if I can even call them that—a more apt word might be “breathes”) over winter break in the Kith store in Miami. While I had known of their existence previously, I had only heard rumors about “the shoe with a face” through the grapevine, and never thought they would be that grotesque in person. Unfortunately, I was proven wrong, and now I want to bleach my eyes out. These shoes are not just ugly, they’re downright unnerving—I feel like they’d take a knife and stab me the second I look away from them if I weren’t careful. What might be more bloodcurdling is the price: Adidas somehow has the nerve to retail these things at $250, which now thinking about it might be a good thing, considering that the pair’s high cost might deter buyers from copping these atrocities. Somehow, these things are still selling though—at the time of writing this, sizes 3.5-6.5 and sizes 12-13.5 are all sold out on Saks Fifth Avenue’s website, once again reminding me why I have no faith in humanity.

If it makes up for anything, after doing more research on the model, I learned the design is meant to be ironic—Kerwin Frost, the creative behind the design, is a comedian and streetwear aficionado, known for his funky fashion. Considering how tacky this model is, it was already a given that the pair’s “accessories” were not meant to be taken at face value (sorry) and yet I still can’t help but think it a crime that these were even made in the first place. Shame on you Frost. Do better. Or don’t—a part of me likes this pair as a piece of sneaker history, yet if I see you wearing them I will cross the street without hesitation.

If by reading this article I accidentally Streisand affected you into seriously considering buying this pair, I have one additional note—they come with detachable blonde locks. Click at your own discretion.

Verdict: If you couldn’t tell already, 0/10. Actually, -1,000,000/10. If you shell out $250 to buy this pair, I would urge you to refund them ASAP and instead spend that money on something more impactful like shoes for people who cannot afford them.